I've been in nearly 20 years and this is my first combat deployment. How did that happen? I thought I'd write about some of my military experiences and how I got here, which may shed some light on why I'm going to Iraq at 40 years old.
It's actually not unusual for those who joined after Vietnam to serve a career outside harm's way. Most did not participate in deployments to Panama or Grenada. We were in the Cold War and most Soldiers retired without ever firing a shot in anger. I accepted that fate, since nobody I served with had gone anywhere either, except the occasional Vietnam vet still serving. Things changed in the 90s.
I was 23 and an active duty Soldier when Desert Shield/Desert Storm started. I was ready, willing, and able to go, but my training as a Korean linguist guaranteed that I'd serve my four years in the Pacific theater instead of the Middle East. So I watched CNN in the barracks while my brother, Mike, dodged scud missiles in Riyadh. I was proud of him and very thankful that he stayed safe. But I also felt guilty that I wasn't called, despite knowing there was nothing I could do about it. Serving a year in Korea near the DMZ while Kim Jong Il's daddy, Kim Il Sung, was still in power made me feel like I'd done my part in a small way.
I left active duty in 1993, completed my degree and returned home to Minnesota and a quiet part-time career of making music in an Army Reserve band. I wasn't sure I'd even stay in the military at first, but I eventually drank the kool-aid and decided I'd stick it out until retirement. Still, while wearing the uniform was always a source of pride, I was content to keep it as a part-time job and focus my efforts on my civilian career and marriage.
If you want a humble Army job, the band is the place to be. You bust your ass every drill rehearsing and moving equipment (we don't have roadies), and transform a mediocre ceremony into something moving and memorable. Or you bring joy and pride to veterans and civilians at public performances, representing the military to a society increasingly detached from what it means to serve. But somehow it's never enough to convince some in the Army that you're a Soldier, too. So, as we say in the Army, you just suck it up and drive on. Ironically, bands are often populated by the biggest prima donnas you'll ever meet in the military. Since most have the talent to back up their attitudes it's hard to fault them. But the rest of the Army seldom gives them the credit they deserve. I had the honor and privilege to play with the 451st Army Band for nearly 12 years and remain their biggest fan. I hope they continue to invite me back for their annual concerts and reunions.
Everything changed after 9/11. We didn't know what would happen next, but we knew the military would be called for some payback, and with our post-Cold War numbers so small, that the Guard and Reserve would be expected to play a major role.
With the 9/11 tragedy fresh in our minds and hearts, the band performed a scheduled event, Laura Ingalls Wilder Days at Lake Pepin, WI, the following weekend. It was an experience I'll never forget: When Paul, one of our soloists, sang the line from Lee Greenwood's God Bless the U.S.A.: "And I'll gladly stand up, next to you..." the crowd spontaneously rose as one. We almost stopped playing, it was such a powerful moment. My throat clenched up and I struggled to finish the song. I could tell I wasn't alone when I saw tears on other band members' faces.
Months went by while I watched more and more troops head off to war in Afghanistan for Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF). I got serious about finally getting another stripe (I'd been a Sergeant/E-5 for nine years) partly so the pay cut wouldn't hurt so bad when I got called, but also because I wanted more of a leadership role. The Iraq war loomed, and more people I knew at Fort Snelling were going. Our training began to include lessons learned from OEF and we started qualifying on our weapons twice annually, after years of avoiding the range. I was convinced it wasn't IF, but WHEN I would go.
So, when an opportunity came in 2003 to become an officer through a direct appointment I thought it was the right move to make and submitted a packet. Jenny and I had long, emotional talks about whether this was a smart move. Was I thinking about her, Ian, and Carter, who was still on the way? I pretty much rolled over her objections through sheer force of will, so certain was I that I needed to do this. I don't blame her for still harboring resentment toward me for that.
I commissioned in 2004 and left the band to become a HR/personnel officer. After completing the officer basic course in 2005 I was sure I'd get called. The Army Reserve was critically short qualified junior officers like me, and frequently transferred them to deploying units, a process called cross-leveling.
Instead I got to serve as the XO of a postal company, nearly all of whose members had deployed to Afghanistan or Iraq since 9/11. I listened to them discuss their experiences and wondered when it would be my turn. It wasn't that I was anxious to go. Just the opposite. I was anxious to come home and say I had done my part, and plan with Jenny to move on with our lives. The tension of waiting for some nameless people at the Army Reserve HQ in Georgia to pluck me from a list was really starting to wear on our family.
In late 2006, with no word yet on future deployments, I received an invitation to transfer to a public affairs unit. Public affairs serves as the voice of the Army leadership to the American people, as well as providing command information to Soldiers and their families. It consists of photo and video journalism, community and media relations. It's an interesting and rewarding job, and I leaped at the opportunity. I attended a two-month qualification course, after which my likelihood to be cross-leveled to a non-PA unit would decrease. Theoretically that meant I had a little more control over my destiny and would likely deploy with my own unit, or at least with people I knew.
Ironically, just before graduation the call came. I was being cross-leveled to a civil affairs unit as a personnel officer. I'd be doing the job I was originally trained to do two years prior, for people I'd never met. It wasn't my first choice, and Jenny and I were disappointed. But, we finally had a date set and could make plans.
The work my new unit will do is honorable and important. Civil affairs units are the public face of the military to the host nation's civilian population. Their job is to win hearts and minds by interacting with civic leaders and includes managing re-construction projects. If our civil affairs teams are successful at building relationships with the right people lives will be saved.
That brings us to today. Jenny and I have been slowly getting things in order and spending as much family time together as we can. I've already sat down with the boys and told them daddy has to go to his "Army house" again, but this time for a lot longer than the two or four months I've been gone before. Fortunately technology and the Internet make it much easier to stay in touch, so I'm confident they'll see my face and hear my voice enough to remember me while I'm gone. It doesn't make it easier to leave, but it will provide some comfort while we're apart.